I decided to do the impossible

Of looking at the past... With talking to who I thought was my "enemy"... I should be happy, but I still feel a lot was lost. I can remember how it ended like it was last night's dream. I am tired of people treating each other to the point where it scars them for life. It really did scar me.

My mind is so boggled up with with everything that I can't write down what I exactly want to say. My head goes why... Why... Why did it have to become like this when I became so cautious with whoever comes along my way? I used to open up so easily but there's just so much in this world that I can't deal with it anymore. I guess this is how it should be, how God made his plans for us.

It may not make sense. So enough. I have my band's video to share... Enjoy!

I am too lazy right now to think of a title.

I am writing again. Usually a sign that I have run out of people to talk to.

Just when I thought everything was falling in the right places, well it's not. Stuck, I think. On and off with being happy. Or maybe I'm just worrying myself too much. Go away, negativity! God is good. I know everything will go well.

I closed my heart pretty well and tried to be strong until... Someone is coming around again. Talking, enjoying, joking. I just about fell apart when he held my hand. Almost got weak because of that one gesture. It's weird. I guess it's just a matter of not hating, but only learning to love a person more for who they were in your life. I really appreciated him and I want him to know just that.

My mind is swimmin. I gotta get some sleep.

"Antidote" is taking over my life

I went through a lot of emotional pain and have been basically learning how to hate. Hate is such a strong word and such a strong feeling. I despised the feeling because it made me feel like it wasn't myself and I was just going along with the hateful world around me. It is said that going along with this world is learning how to survive it. I've tried to go along with this world, but all it did was make me unhappy and make me more hateful.

I couldn't fail miserably and be pissed at the world for the rest of my life. Maybe patience does really pay off in the end.

Antidote (my band now) came along like a gift from God. I have seen them perform once about a year ago and it just so happened that now, I am the newest member. It is the coolest thing ever. They are very special to me now not only because I admire them for their wide range of musicality, but also for accepting me despite of how unexperienced I am, and even more for being a bunch of VERY nice people that I now call friends. I've had a few awkward moments with them on- and off-stage, but they never made me feel the pressure. I am very lucky and thankful. It's going to take a lot of work and determination and I promise not to let the band down.

I feel like I came a long way with my emotions and what I've been through. I've grown up, but I have a lot more to grow up to. I'm not perfect. I'm not the best. But all I can say is that I'm happy.

I'm happy now. I'm really really happy with the people who are in my life right now, no matter what I can't forget...

Pierced

My sister and I had our ears pierced yesterday. Mine on the left and hers on the right.

It was fast and easy, but it wasn't just a spur of a moment urge that I had to fulfill. It means so much more--that I understand pain and Antidote (my band). This marks an important moment in my life that changed me and I can look down at them and remember that I have come out on top.

Sad, sad song... =(

The Man Who Can't Be Moved (The Script)

Going back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move
Got some words on cardboard, got your picture in my hand
saying, "if you see this girl can you tell her where I am"

Some try to hand me money, they don't understand
I'm not broke I'm just a broken hearted man
I know it makes no sense but what else can I do
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you

Cause If one day you wake up and find your missing me
and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving

Policeman says, "son you can't stay here"
I said, "there's someone I'm waiting for If it's a day, a month, a year"
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go

Cause If one day you wake up and find your missing me
and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving,
I'm not moving, I'm not moving

People talk about the guy that's waiting on a girl
There are no holes in his shoes but a big hole in his world

Maybe i'll get famous as the man who can't be moved
Maybe you wont mean to but you'll see me on the news
And you'll come running to the corner
cuase you'll know it's just for you
Im the man who can't be moved

Chorus 2x

Going back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move

To the left, to the left

One look...

Is ALL it takes.

=D