Fast Car by Tracy Chapman

I feel this song.

"You got a fast car

I want a ticket to anywhere

Maybe we make a deal

Maybe together we can get somewhere

Anyplace is better

Starting from zero got nothing to lose

Maybe we'll make something

But me myself I got nothing to prove"

I spent the last few weeks complaining about this place, so I had this horrible attitude of not wanting to be here. Then I realized something. You're not gonna always get what you want in life, so accept the things you do have and enjoy it, because it could be worse.

"You got a fast car

And I got a plan to get us out of here

I been working at the convenience store

Managed to save just a little bit of money

We won't have to drive too far

Just 'cross the border and into the city

You and I both can get jobs

And finally see what it means to be living"

You always have to travel through the hardest roads to get the best rewards. But sometimes I think that if you travel the simplest road, as far as it goes, you'll get the same reward.

"You got a fast car

But is it fast enough so we can fly away

We gotta make a decision
We leave tonight or live and die this way"

It's like a blur to me now, maybe it was the alcohol. I don't know, but it was great you were there. Laughter is indeed the best medicine, and you've given me every dose of it.

"I remember we were driving driving in your car

The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk

City lights lay out before us

And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder

And I had a feeling that I belonged

And I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone"

Your outlook in life has been helpful - to live life to the fullest, experience everything, don't have regrets, be spontaneous, live a little and most importantly, don't be afraid to take a chance.

"You got a fast car

And we go cruising to entertain ourselves

You still ain't got a job

And I work in a market as a checkout girl

I know things will get better

You'll find work and I'll get promoted

We'll move out of the shelter

Buy a big house and live in the suburbs"

With you there are no norms and I am not compelled to snap back to reality. Get rid of it all together and not to hide what I don't want to see.

"You got fast car

And I got a job that pays our bills

You stay out drinking late at the bar

See more of your friends than you do of your kids

I'd always hoped for better

Thought maybe together you and me would find it

I got no plans I ain't going nowhere

So take your fast car and keep on driving"

I want more. But it's not for me to ask.

"You got a fast car

But is it fast enough so you can fly away

You gotta make a decision
You leave tonight or live and die this way"

I'm sure gonna miss you as hell. Each moment with you, so memorable, so little left.

Just a day

Currently Reading: Bakit Baliktad Magbasa ng Libro Ang Mga Pilipino? by Bob Ong

Now I have to get over this sickness real quick. I have something coming up on Friday and I definitely could not sing in this condition.

"You only stay with me in the morning
You only hold me when I sleep
I was meant to tread the water
But now I've gotten in too deep
For every piece of me that wants you
Another piece backs away

You give me something
That makes me scared alright
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try
Please give me something
Because someday I might know my heart"

- You Give Me Something (James Morrison)

How do you know the borders from fooling around to being not so serious to serious? Because I have been a pretty serious person for as long as I can remember, at least when it comes to the important aspects in life. Lately I have been keeping things in the cool and taking it easy. But once reality kicks back in, poof. Now how do I deal with this?

So my tarpaulin in "Pasan Ko Ang Daigdig" gets even more exposure than I do. They should definitely get me back in the story. Come on, I am worth more than a huge picture. Ha!

Turns out that I am not getting any final pay from PeopleSupport where I worked as call center agent. In fact, I am even indebted to them. Remembering all those sleepless nights and above all, that Christina Aguilera concert I missed... This is causing me so much pain.

When all else fails

A real journal isn't doing me any good these days. I've been away from home (ref. Cavite) a lot as well, and so I thought I'd create a new blog. Thoughts just keep on running around this head.

For a first entry, I anticipate this blog to be everywhere. I do not even know where to start writing. But I guess there's nothing much more proper than to welcome you to this blog. Yea, like you'd really care reading eh?

"We know little about pain and regret - except that it is soluble in alcohol."

True enough. But trust me, I do not want to talk about this now.

It is weird how I feel so different about myself now. I used to find happiness in the littlest and simplest things. Books, music and writing have always made me... Me. But time has changed me into searching for good/better things in life. Life, I realize, is much more complex than I thought it was. And love, does not always make everything right.

I yearn for more, for whatever it is that will make me happy. Probably because the people I expect to understand do not. Because I want people who do not only want, but help me succeed.