;-)

Don't know when I'd be back online so...

MERRY CHRISTMAS & A HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!

*Hugs*

Poetic mode

It Is At Moments After I Have Dreamed
by E. E. Cummings

It is at moments after I have dreamed
of the rare entertainment of your eyes,
when (being fool to fancy) I have deemed

With your peculiar mouth my heart made wise;
at moments when the glassy darkness holds

The genuine apparition of your smile
(it was through tears always) and silence moulds
such strangeness as was mine a little while;

Moments when my once more illustrious arms
are filled with fascination, when my breast
wears the intolerant brightness of your charms:

One pierced moment whiter than the rest

-turning from the tremendous lie of sleep
I watch the roses of the day grow deep.

Blah.

"Closing time, open all the doors and let you out into the world
Closing time, turn all of the lights on over every boy and every girl
Closing time, one last call for alcohol so finish your whiskey or beer
Closing time, you don't have to go home but you can't stay here

I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
Take me home"

- Closing Time (Semisonic)

I have literally slept all day and took a very long, refreshing bath. I haven't done those for a long time.

It's been a kinda hectic, weird, draining, sad, confusing past week. Things have been slowly but surely changing. All I needed was a fun time at Aila's pad with the rest of the peeps last Friday night. From the KFC food delivery, drinks galore and great conversations. Thanks guys!

Yesterday, went to a family gathering, got to work out and went here and there with my mom and sister.

I think I deal with things better than I did before. We're all growing older, maturing, taking on responsibilities and all that crap. I'm all for that, for real. So much has happened. I'm usually the type to freak out, but I kept my cool. With that said, enough of the realizations.

Moving on to something random. Here are some movies I've seen, but hated so much for some reasons:
1) A Beautiful Mind
2) Lost In Translation
3) V for Vendetta

Now to end on a good note:
You never know when someone special will come into your life. When you meet that person, cherish that moment because you never know how long it will last.

A Friday night blog

"So go past the lights and all the excuses
You could have left 'sincerely yours'
Don't you think it's obvious that I want to say more?
Cause anything too daring to say to you,
Will be said in this letter, then burned away
So you never realize, I'm here"
- Midnight Highway (Daphney Loves Derby)

Did not know how parting could feel odd, until this morning. Sad.

Wishing you a great life in Singapore.

Won't be the same, but I know my ladies won't let me be sad tonight.

Crazy how things move so fast. When good and bad mesh together. Good and bad decisions made. It works out in the end. It all comes together. I feel different, but in a good way. Got a whole new outlook.

Weekend blast

The past weekend was all about chilling at Eastwood, new and old friends, long talks... And some lovin', baybeh.

A few dramas on the side were unavoidable, but hey, life goes on.

Save me

"I keep trying to find a life
On my own, apart from You
I am the king of excuses
I've got one for every selfish thing I do
What's going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I'm still a man in need of a Savior"
- In The Light (DC Talk)

I changed a lot.

Fact or uneducated assumption? Let's look into that.

I feel differently much on the world than I used to. There is something missing in my life and I am not sure of it. Something that used to be here. A way that I used to be, that I'm not anymore. But it disappeared too unexpectedly for me to notice right away.

And I thought it was here all along. Lying to myself possibly?

On the surface of things, it had been an honor to be singing at a company Christmas party last night. My first Christmas party this year, and a few more lined up.

Fast Car by Tracy Chapman

I feel this song.

"You got a fast car

I want a ticket to anywhere

Maybe we make a deal

Maybe together we can get somewhere

Anyplace is better

Starting from zero got nothing to lose

Maybe we'll make something

But me myself I got nothing to prove"

I spent the last few weeks complaining about this place, so I had this horrible attitude of not wanting to be here. Then I realized something. You're not gonna always get what you want in life, so accept the things you do have and enjoy it, because it could be worse.

"You got a fast car

And I got a plan to get us out of here

I been working at the convenience store

Managed to save just a little bit of money

We won't have to drive too far

Just 'cross the border and into the city

You and I both can get jobs

And finally see what it means to be living"

You always have to travel through the hardest roads to get the best rewards. But sometimes I think that if you travel the simplest road, as far as it goes, you'll get the same reward.

"You got a fast car

But is it fast enough so we can fly away

We gotta make a decision
We leave tonight or live and die this way"

It's like a blur to me now, maybe it was the alcohol. I don't know, but it was great you were there. Laughter is indeed the best medicine, and you've given me every dose of it.

"I remember we were driving driving in your car

The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk

City lights lay out before us

And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder

And I had a feeling that I belonged

And I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone"

Your outlook in life has been helpful - to live life to the fullest, experience everything, don't have regrets, be spontaneous, live a little and most importantly, don't be afraid to take a chance.

"You got a fast car

And we go cruising to entertain ourselves

You still ain't got a job

And I work in a market as a checkout girl

I know things will get better

You'll find work and I'll get promoted

We'll move out of the shelter

Buy a big house and live in the suburbs"

With you there are no norms and I am not compelled to snap back to reality. Get rid of it all together and not to hide what I don't want to see.

"You got fast car

And I got a job that pays our bills

You stay out drinking late at the bar

See more of your friends than you do of your kids

I'd always hoped for better

Thought maybe together you and me would find it

I got no plans I ain't going nowhere

So take your fast car and keep on driving"

I want more. But it's not for me to ask.

"You got a fast car

But is it fast enough so you can fly away

You gotta make a decision
You leave tonight or live and die this way"

I'm sure gonna miss you as hell. Each moment with you, so memorable, so little left.

Just a day

Currently Reading: Bakit Baliktad Magbasa ng Libro Ang Mga Pilipino? by Bob Ong

Now I have to get over this sickness real quick. I have something coming up on Friday and I definitely could not sing in this condition.

"You only stay with me in the morning
You only hold me when I sleep
I was meant to tread the water
But now I've gotten in too deep
For every piece of me that wants you
Another piece backs away

You give me something
That makes me scared alright
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try
Please give me something
Because someday I might know my heart"

- You Give Me Something (James Morrison)

How do you know the borders from fooling around to being not so serious to serious? Because I have been a pretty serious person for as long as I can remember, at least when it comes to the important aspects in life. Lately I have been keeping things in the cool and taking it easy. But once reality kicks back in, poof. Now how do I deal with this?

So my tarpaulin in "Pasan Ko Ang Daigdig" gets even more exposure than I do. They should definitely get me back in the story. Come on, I am worth more than a huge picture. Ha!

Turns out that I am not getting any final pay from PeopleSupport where I worked as call center agent. In fact, I am even indebted to them. Remembering all those sleepless nights and above all, that Christina Aguilera concert I missed... This is causing me so much pain.

When all else fails

A real journal isn't doing me any good these days. I've been away from home (ref. Cavite) a lot as well, and so I thought I'd create a new blog. Thoughts just keep on running around this head.

For a first entry, I anticipate this blog to be everywhere. I do not even know where to start writing. But I guess there's nothing much more proper than to welcome you to this blog. Yea, like you'd really care reading eh?

"We know little about pain and regret - except that it is soluble in alcohol."

True enough. But trust me, I do not want to talk about this now.

It is weird how I feel so different about myself now. I used to find happiness in the littlest and simplest things. Books, music and writing have always made me... Me. But time has changed me into searching for good/better things in life. Life, I realize, is much more complex than I thought it was. And love, does not always make everything right.

I yearn for more, for whatever it is that will make me happy. Probably because the people I expect to understand do not. Because I want people who do not only want, but help me succeed.