Yeah...

I guess one of the good things about blogging is that you can look back at it and see what kind of a person you were. Oh how times have changed!

Twitter, Twitter, Twitter!

I'm addicted to the mini-blogging revolution called... Twitter! Which explains my even lesser full blogs in here. Didn’t see what the fuss was about, but once I started using it, I was hooked! I just wish more of my friends use it...

Follow me at Twitter alright?

My Twitter is xtelicious.

One-liner updates are kewl!

My songs

Hey, check these out!

I like the first one more, coz I don't normally sing like that and I kinda sound younger than my age haha!

Poetry by Rumi

I like this one...

Because the idol is your face,
I have become an idolater.
Because the wine is from your cup,
I've become a drunkard.
In the existence of your love,
I have become non-existent.
This non-existence, linked to you,
is better than all existence.

How beautiful and how well it describes my feelings at the moment.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Gawd! I just can't wait to see it! And finally, Gambit is set to appear! Oh this is gonna be amazing!

Biased heart and swayed mind

Currently Reading: Brida by Paulo Coelho

I think, therefore, I am. Or is it... I feel, therefore I am? I am in a continuous twirling motion of questioning and doubting and again questioning and soon enough I am back to zero. The heart cannot be fixed and the mind is too easy to control.

"Generoso"

Desperation claws at my stomach
The last drops in the cup I savored.
I miss you
The drink that drugged me
The drink that influenced my every decision.
Where is that drink now?
The drink I crave and taste
Its every essence gave me life
Where is that drink now?
The drink that filled me with laughter
The drink that had my smiles,
That held my happiness?
Will I ever find that drink again?
But the question is,
Did that drink ever exist?
Was it blue?
Blue as the everlasting ocean and neverending sky.
The blue of the
heavens above?
Or was the drink green?
Was it green with envy, sorrow, jealousy?
Or was it red?
The temptation color,
As it tempted me so...
To taste, to drink,
Offering so much...
It tempted and teased,
It challenged...
And who am I?
To defy a challenge?
Who am I,
To let be teased?
Who am I,
To have the honor,
Of that one taste?

Oh, I could go on longer...
But a song awaits me, and sleep
Defies my every order and command.
Before my life here has left,
Answer my one question.
Did this drink,
This so called drink,
That held my happiness,
Did it ever exist?
In the depths of your
soul find the answer,
And if it's true...
I ask of you,
Tell that drink to give me back my happiness.
I am in dire need of it.

Just some crap

Forgive me for wanting your heart as well
Take my soul, tear my flesh from bone
Leave me as an empty skeleton jaded from the world
Release me from this horrid mortal realm
Full of anguish, full of flesh and temptation
Forgive me for wanting that once.

Purify my soul
Or damn it to hell.

Update eh?

I am so broke. I wish I have a tree that grows money hahaha! On the bright bright side of things, I have freshly manicured nails. Hhmmmm nice. Lovin' it!=)

Hmmm...

In a pretty damn good mood right now. Why? I have no freakin clue, but I wish I felt like this more often. You know, just being happy and enjoying the little cool things in life!

So anyway, I've been stuck in Cavite for the last few days. Aside from things in between here and there--things that made me mad, things that made me sad and things that made me happy errrr I don't wanna go into it soooo... At least seeing my buddies keep me sane. Drinkin was so good after a longass day. Lotsa drinkin, yea. (If you know me and my sister, you wouldn't expect less lol!)

My band life is kickin back in (apparently). Gigs starting tomorrow til Sunday, straight. Which is good coz I'm so effin broke, haha. But yeah, everything so far I guess is okay.

I'm feeling pretty damn great! I will reach my goals one day, but I now have new ambitions in life. There's more that I want out of my time on this planet--things I want to experience, people I want to meet, dreams I want to come true and dammit, it's gonna happen!

Oh wells. My friend Hilda better have something nice planned for tonight! Hope everyone out there is doing well! Bye for now...

It's official :(

For those who don't know, my passion has been and will always be singing. God has provided an opportunity--be in a band and master the necessary skills to take this passion to new heights. Unfortunately, the turn of events hasn’t been that great. For me, this is a labor of love though. As overwhelming as it is at times, I love the fact that I'm learning the theory behind singing. In a short span of time, I've had my share of prodigies, wannabes and fans. Commitment in going above and beyond and displaying professionalism at all times are huge too.

Sucks how one moment I’ll be happy and dandy and the next I'll either be pissed as hell or I guess more frustrated with life than anything. It's like... There are certain things in life that happen and you put in so much effort, so much of yourself into it and in the end you just end up hurt and disappointed. It's like a fuckin question mark that just lingers over your head. Kind of makes you feel really empty. I dunno. Maybe one day (hopefully one day soon), I will be truly happy and content with life. Until then, the question mark just keeps following.

I call this another step in my life's journey. This industry is competitive and risky. Challenges come in the form of trying to improve myself, to become a leader in my field and to become a better person that has good relationships with all.

I’m a bit concerned at how life will be again. Falling down and trying to put the pieces back together can be tough. It seems impossible at times, but I'm going to look at the bright side.

Hope all goes well and good luck in everything. Love you guys! I'll see ya'll soon!

New Year blog

Currently Reading: The Princess Present: A Princess Diaries Book by Meg Cabot

A bit late... But anyhows, just wanted to say...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Awesome time spent with family and loved ones =)

Amazing how fast (and in some aspects slow) time has gone by. Looking back, I realize just how much I've learned and grown in a year's time.

There were some serious bumps in the journey. However, none big enough to stop me from the goal. If anything, they only fueled my drive and passion more. I had the privilege of working with and learning from great musicians. Even greater, these people who I once considered strangers are now dear friends. Never have I been so passionate and dedicated to something as I have with this. Never. I am absolutely committed to doing whatever it takes and striving to be the best I can possibly be. I will not forget that even having this opportunity is an undeserved blessing.

In all things, I continue to focus on the positive points in my life and a bright future, wherever it may be. I look forward to the doors continually being open up before me. Thank you to all who have encouraged and stood by me through all of this. Your support and prayers mean everything to me. More on my journey this year! Cheers!

What's this life anyway?

What's it to you and me?

What are we doing here?

Who are we supposed to be?

I'll take a better world

I'll take anything

I'll take our little world now

Where we can wear each other for awhile

I'll lend you my tears if I could borrow your smile

(These Days - Chantal Kreviazuk)

Holla!

Oooh busy times.

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas, as much as I did!

Much love.

CH-Ch-Changes

My struggles come as if the world is crashing down on me because I've been living in my own comfort for too long. What is weird about an ache is you don't know the source. Like a cut or a bruise, there could have been a fall, a stumble or a missed step. In life, there may be a parent, brother/sister, enemy or untrue friend who causes pain. I do admit of a deep ache I feel that constantly reminds me of how lonely I am. There's only one person outside my family that I've ever fully trusted with my heart. I no longer belong to this one person, nor does he belong to me. As far as I know, the ache just has to fade... or better yet... BE REPLACED. (Yes, I had to type it in screaming bold letters!) I long for a new sense of connection and belonging to overwhelm me and I have stepped out to do my part. There is this person I really like now, so I just might as well, ya, step out.

Exposed. Brought to light. Uncovered. Vulnerable.
Go big. Go deep.
And sing!
Heartbeat racing? Use it.
Feel the rhythm? Play it.
Go louder and stronger.
Fill the room.
...and ENJOY.

Hard to regain myself at times with my problems, my issues, my mistakes, the ways they do not know me, the parts they may not accept of me, their disloyalty... How can I trust them? I'm usually only afraid. It's like you can't breathe. It's like you can't see. It's like you can't find anything to hold on to. It's sad how people are constantly coming and going, but it's also amazing how there could be a person who comes in to change your life a little bit into something more beautiful.

It's like finding freedom. I thank YOU. I think of you now with a smile on my face and funny feelings I still cannot comprehend.

A song that knocks me out

This one is called Come On Get Higher by Matt Nathanson...

I miss the sound of your voice
I miss the rush of your skin
I miss the still of the silence
As you breathe out and I breathe in
If I could walk on water
If I could tell you what's next
Make you believe
Make you forget

[CHORUS:]
So come on get higher
Loosen my lips
Faith and desire
And the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love

[REPEAT CHORUS]

I miss the sound of your voice
The loudest thing in my head
And I ache to remember
All the violent, sweet, perfect words that you said
If I could walk on water
If I could tell you what's next
Make you believe
Make you forget

[REPEAT CHORUS TWICE]

I miss the sound of your voice
I taste the sparks on your tongue
I see angels and devils and God when you come on
Hold on...

Sing sha la la la
Sing sha la la la

[REPEAT CHORUS TWICE]

It's all wrong, it's all wrong
It's all wrong, it's so right

Come on get higher
Come on get higher

Because everything works love
Because everything works in your arms

I shared the lyrics because I have a story in there. One that makes me fly high, but also one that's purely for myself, haha!

And I'm back in the game!

As Leona Lewis' song goes...

"It will all get better in time..."

What can I say? It's just gettin better and better... and better and better... and better!

Livin the time of my life. Yeah baby!

I decided to do the impossible

Of looking at the past... With talking to who I thought was my "enemy"... I should be happy, but I still feel a lot was lost. I can remember how it ended like it was last night's dream. I am tired of people treating each other to the point where it scars them for life. It really did scar me.

My mind is so boggled up with with everything that I can't write down what I exactly want to say. My head goes why... Why... Why did it have to become like this when I became so cautious with whoever comes along my way? I used to open up so easily but there's just so much in this world that I can't deal with it anymore. I guess this is how it should be, how God made his plans for us.

It may not make sense. So enough. I have my band's video to share... Enjoy!

I am too lazy right now to think of a title.

I am writing again. Usually a sign that I have run out of people to talk to.

Just when I thought everything was falling in the right places, well it's not. Stuck, I think. On and off with being happy. Or maybe I'm just worrying myself too much. Go away, negativity! God is good. I know everything will go well.

I closed my heart pretty well and tried to be strong until... Someone is coming around again. Talking, enjoying, joking. I just about fell apart when he held my hand. Almost got weak because of that one gesture. It's weird. I guess it's just a matter of not hating, but only learning to love a person more for who they were in your life. I really appreciated him and I want him to know just that.

My mind is swimmin. I gotta get some sleep.

"Antidote" is taking over my life

I went through a lot of emotional pain and have been basically learning how to hate. Hate is such a strong word and such a strong feeling. I despised the feeling because it made me feel like it wasn't myself and I was just going along with the hateful world around me. It is said that going along with this world is learning how to survive it. I've tried to go along with this world, but all it did was make me unhappy and make me more hateful.

I couldn't fail miserably and be pissed at the world for the rest of my life. Maybe patience does really pay off in the end.

Antidote (my band now) came along like a gift from God. I have seen them perform once about a year ago and it just so happened that now, I am the newest member. It is the coolest thing ever. They are very special to me now not only because I admire them for their wide range of musicality, but also for accepting me despite of how unexperienced I am, and even more for being a bunch of VERY nice people that I now call friends. I've had a few awkward moments with them on- and off-stage, but they never made me feel the pressure. I am very lucky and thankful. It's going to take a lot of work and determination and I promise not to let the band down.

I feel like I came a long way with my emotions and what I've been through. I've grown up, but I have a lot more to grow up to. I'm not perfect. I'm not the best. But all I can say is that I'm happy.

I'm happy now. I'm really really happy with the people who are in my life right now, no matter what I can't forget...

Pierced

My sister and I had our ears pierced yesterday. Mine on the left and hers on the right.

It was fast and easy, but it wasn't just a spur of a moment urge that I had to fulfill. It means so much more--that I understand pain and Antidote (my band). This marks an important moment in my life that changed me and I can look down at them and remember that I have come out on top.