X-BLOG | It's all about me

Yeah...

2009-09-23T00:29:00.002+08:00

I guess one of the good things about blogging is that you can look back at it and see what kind of a person you were. Oh how times have changed!

Twitter, Twitter, Twitter!

2009-07-07T16:54:00.003+08:00

I'm addicted to the mini-blogging revolution called... Twitter! Which explains my even lesser full blogs in here. Didn’t see what the fuss was about, but once I started using it, I was hooked! I just wish more of my friends use it...

Follow me at Twitter alright?

2009-06-18T11:11:00.002+08:00

My Twitter is xtelicious.

One-liner updates are kewl!

My songs

2009-05-29T13:21:00.003+08:00

Hey, check these out!

I like the first one more, coz I don't normally sing like that and I kinda sound younger than my age haha!

Poetry by Rumi

2009-05-21T13:28:00.004+08:00

I like this one...

Because the idol is your face,
I have become an idolater.
Because the wine is from your cup,
I've become a drunkard.
In the existence of your love,
I have become non-existent.
This non-existence, linked to you,
is better than all existence.

How beautiful and how well it describes my feelings at the moment.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

2009-04-30T12:53:00.005+08:00

Gawd! I just can't wait to see it! And finally, Gambit is set to appear! Oh this is gonna be amazing!

Biased heart and swayed mind

2009-04-12T22:15:00.008+08:00

Currently Reading: Brida by Paulo Coelho

I think, therefore, I am. Or is it... I feel, therefore I am? I am in a continuous twirling motion of questioning and doubting and again questioning and soon enough I am back to zero. The heart cannot be fixed and the mind is too easy to control.

"Generoso"

Desperation claws at my stomach
The last drops in the cup I savored.
I miss you
The drink that drugged me
The drink that influenced my every decision.
Where is that drink now?
The drink I crave and taste
Its every essence gave me life
Where is that drink now?
The drink that filled me with laughter
The drink that had my smiles,
That held my happiness?
Will I ever find that drink again?
But the question is,
Did that drink ever exist?
Was it blue?
Blue as the everlasting ocean and neverending sky.
The blue of the
heavens above?
Or was the drink green?
Was it green with envy, sorrow, jealousy?
Or was it red?
The temptation color,
As it tempted me so...
To taste, to drink,
Offering so much...
It tempted and teased,
It challenged...
And who am I?
To defy a challenge?
Who am I,
To let be teased?
Who am I,
To have the honor,
Of that one taste?

Oh, I could go on longer...
But a song awaits me, and sleep
Defies my every order and command.
Before my life here has left,
Answer my one question.
Did this drink,
This so called drink,
That held my happiness,
Did it ever exist?
In the depths of your
soul find the answer,
And if it's true...
I ask of you,
Tell that drink to give me back my happiness.
I am in dire need of it.

Just some crap

2009-02-24T21:40:00.004+08:00

Forgive me for wanting your heart as well
Take my soul, tear my flesh from bone
Leave me as an empty skeleton jaded from the world
Release me from this horrid mortal realm
Full of anguish, full of flesh and temptation
Forgive me for wanting that once.

Purify my soul
Or damn it to hell.

Update eh?

2009-01-28T00:44:00.002+08:00

I am so broke. I wish I have a tree that grows money hahaha! On the bright bright side of things, I have freshly manicured nails. Hhmmmm nice. Lovin' it!=)

Hmmm...

2009-01-21T20:52:00.002+08:00

In a pretty damn good mood right now. Why? I have no freakin clue, but I wish I felt like this more often. You know, just being happy and enjoying the little cool things in life!

So anyway, I've been stuck in Cavite for the last few days. Aside from things in between here and there--things that made me mad, things that made me sad and things that made me happy errrr I don't wanna go into it soooo... At least seeing my buddies keep me sane. Drinkin was so good after a longass day. Lotsa drinkin, yea. (If you know me and my sister, you wouldn't expect less lol!)

My band life is kickin back in (apparently). Gigs starting tomorrow til Sunday, straight. Which is good coz I'm so effin broke, haha. But yeah, everything so far I guess is okay.

I'm feeling pretty damn great! I will reach my goals one day, but I now have new ambitions in life. There's more that I want out of my time on this planet--things I want to experience, people I want to meet, dreams I want to come true and dammit, it's gonna happen!

Oh wells. My friend Hilda better have something nice planned for tonight! Hope everyone out there is doing well! Bye for now...

It's official :(

2009-01-10T00:17:00.014+08:00

For those who don't know, my passion has been and will always be singing. God has provided an opportunity--be in a band and master the necessary skills to take this passion to new heights. Unfortunately, the turn of events hasn’t been that great. For me, this is a labor of love though. As overwhelming as it is at times, I love the fact that I'm learning the theory behind singing. In a short span of time, I've had my share of prodigies, wannabes and fans. Commitment in going above and beyond and displaying professionalism at all times are huge too.

Sucks how one moment I’ll be happy and dandy and the next I'll either be pissed as hell or I guess more frustrated with life than anything. It's like... There are certain things in life that happen and you put in so much effort, so much of yourself into it and in the end you just end up hurt and disappointed. It's like a fuckin question mark that just lingers over your head. Kind of makes you feel really empty. I dunno. Maybe one day (hopefully one day soon), I will be truly happy and content with life. Until then, the question mark just keeps following.

I call this another step in my life's journey. This industry is competitive and risky. Challenges come in the form of trying to improve myself, to become a leader in my field and to become a better person that has good relationships with all.

I’m a bit concerned at how life will be again. Falling down and trying to put the pieces back together can be tough. It seems impossible at times, but I'm going to look at the bright side.

Hope all goes well and good luck in everything. Love you guys! I'll see ya'll soon!

New Year blog

2009-01-08T22:07:00.011+08:00

Currently Reading: The Princess Present: A Princess Diaries Book by Meg Cabot

A bit late... But anyhows, just wanted to say...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Awesome time spent with family and loved ones =)

Amazing how fast (and in some aspects slow) time has gone by. Looking back, I realize just how much I've learned and grown in a year's time.

There were some serious bumps in the journey. However, none big enough to stop me from the goal. If anything, they only fueled my drive and passion more. I had the privilege of working with and learning from great musicians. Even greater, these people who I once considered strangers are now dear friends. Never have I been so passionate and dedicated to something as I have with this. Never. I am absolutely committed to doing whatever it takes and striving to be the best I can possibly be. I will not forget that even having this opportunity is an undeserved blessing.

In all things, I continue to focus on the positive points in my life and a bright future, wherever it may be. I look forward to the doors continually being open up before me. Thank you to all who have encouraged and stood by me through all of this. Your support and prayers mean everything to me. More on my journey this year! Cheers!

What's this life anyway?

What's it to you and me?

What are we doing here?

Who are we supposed to be?

I'll take a better world

I'll take anything

I'll take our little world now

Where we can wear each other for awhile

I'll lend you my tears if I could borrow your smile

(These Days - Chantal Kreviazuk)

Holla!

2008-12-27T09:31:00.002+08:00

Oooh busy times.

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas, as much as I did!

Much love.

CH-Ch-Changes

2008-12-18T20:00:00.014+08:00

My struggles come as if the world is crashing down on me because I've been living in my own comfort for too long. What is weird about an ache is you don't know the source. Like a cut or a bruise, there could have been a fall, a stumble or a missed step. In life, there may be a parent, brother/sister, enemy or untrue friend who causes pain. I do admit of a deep ache I feel that constantly reminds me of how lonely I am. There's only one person outside my family that I've ever fully trusted with my heart. I no longer belong to this one person, nor does he belong to me. As far as I know, the ache just has to fade... or better yet... BE REPLACED. (Yes, I had to type it in screaming bold letters!) I long for a new sense of connection and belonging to overwhelm me and I have stepped out to do my part. There is this person I really like now, so I just might as well, ya, step out.

Exposed. Brought to light. Uncovered. Vulnerable.
Go big. Go deep.
And sing!
Heartbeat racing? Use it.
Feel the rhythm? Play it.
Go louder and stronger.
Fill the room.
...and ENJOY.

Hard to regain myself at times with my problems, my issues, my mistakes, the ways they do not know me, the parts they may not accept of me, their disloyalty... How can I trust them? I'm usually only afraid. It's like you can't breathe. It's like you can't see. It's like you can't find anything to hold on to. It's sad how people are constantly coming and going, but it's also amazing how there could be a person who comes in to change your life a little bit into something more beautiful.

It's like finding freedom. I thank YOU. I think of you now with a smile on my face and funny feelings I still cannot comprehend.

A song that knocks me out

2008-12-17T20:44:00.004+08:00

This one is called Come On Get Higher by Matt Nathanson...

I miss the sound of your voice
I miss the rush of your skin
I miss the still of the silence
As you breathe out and I breathe in
If I could walk on water
If I could tell you what's next
Make you believe
Make you forget

[CHORUS:]
So come on get higher
Loosen my lips
Faith and desire
And the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love

[REPEAT CHORUS]

I miss the sound of your voice
The loudest thing in my head
And I ache to remember
All the violent, sweet, perfect words that you said
If I could walk on water
If I could tell you what's next
Make you believe
Make you forget

[REPEAT CHORUS TWICE]

I miss the sound of your voice
I taste the sparks on your tongue
I see angels and devils and God when you come on
Hold on...

Sing sha la la la
Sing sha la la la

[REPEAT CHORUS TWICE]

It's all wrong, it's all wrong
It's all wrong, it's so right

Come on get higher
Come on get higher

Because everything works love
Because everything works in your arms

I shared the lyrics because I have a story in there. One that makes me fly high, but also one that's purely for myself, haha!

And I'm back in the game!

2008-12-11T12:28:00.002+08:00

As Leona Lewis' song goes...

"It will all get better in time..."

What can I say? It's just gettin better and better... and better and better... and better!

Livin the time of my life. Yeah baby!

I decided to do the impossible

2008-11-26T20:55:00.005+08:00

Of looking at the past... With talking to who I thought was my "enemy"... I should be happy, but I still feel a lot was lost. I can remember how it ended like it was last night's dream. I am tired of people treating each other to the point where it scars them for life. It really did scar me.

My mind is so boggled up with with everything that I can't write down what I exactly want to say. My head goes why... Why... Why did it have to become like this when I became so cautious with whoever comes along my way? I used to open up so easily but there's just so much in this world that I can't deal with it anymore. I guess this is how it should be, how God made his plans for us.

It may not make sense. So enough. I have my band's video to share... Enjoy!

I am too lazy right now to think of a title.

2008-11-21T02:21:00.004+08:00

I am writing again. Usually a sign that I have run out of people to talk to.

Just when I thought everything was falling in the right places, well it's not. Stuck, I think. On and off with being happy. Or maybe I'm just worrying myself too much. Go away, negativity! God is good. I know everything will go well.

I closed my heart pretty well and tried to be strong until... Someone is coming around again. Talking, enjoying, joking. I just about fell apart when he held my hand. Almost got weak because of that one gesture. It's weird. I guess it's just a matter of not hating, but only learning to love a person more for who they were in your life. I really appreciated him and I want him to know just that.

My mind is swimmin. I gotta get some sleep.

"Antidote" is taking over my life

2008-11-14T18:16:00.011+08:00

I went through a lot of emotional pain and have been basically learning how to hate. Hate is such a strong word and such a strong feeling. I despised the feeling because it made me feel like it wasn't myself and I was just going along with the hateful world around me. It is said that going along with this world is learning how to survive it. I've tried to go along with this world, but all it did was make me unhappy and make me more hateful.

I couldn't fail miserably and be pissed at the world for the rest of my life. Maybe patience does really pay off in the end.

Antidote (my band now) came along like a gift from God. I have seen them perform once about a year ago and it just so happened that now, I am the newest member. It is the coolest thing ever. They are very special to me now not only because I admire them for their wide range of musicality, but also for accepting me despite of how unexperienced I am, and even more for being a bunch of VERY nice people that I now call friends. I've had a few awkward moments with them on- and off-stage, but they never made me feel the pressure. I am very lucky and thankful. It's going to take a lot of work and determination and I promise not to let the band down.

I feel like I came a long way with my emotions and what I've been through. I've grown up, but I have a lot more to grow up to. I'm not perfect. I'm not the best. But all I can say is that I'm happy.

I'm happy now. I'm really really happy with the people who are in my life right now, no matter what I can't forget...

Pierced

2008-11-12T13:04:00.004+08:00

My sister and I had our ears pierced yesterday. Mine on the left and hers on the right.

It was fast and easy, but it wasn't just a spur of a moment urge that I had to fulfill. It means so much more--that I understand pain and Antidote (my band). This marks an important moment in my life that changed me and I can look down at them and remember that I have come out on top.

Sad, sad song... =(

2008-11-05T17:53:00.007+08:00

The Man Who Can't Be Moved (The Script)

Going back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move
Got some words on cardboard, got your picture in my hand
saying, "if you see this girl can you tell her where I am"

Some try to hand me money, they don't understand
I'm not broke I'm just a broken hearted man
I know it makes no sense but what else can I do
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you

Cause If one day you wake up and find your missing me
and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving

Policeman says, "son you can't stay here"
I said, "there's someone I'm waiting for If it's a day, a month, a year"
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go

Cause If one day you wake up and find your missing me
and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving,
I'm not moving, I'm not moving

People talk about the guy that's waiting on a girl
There are no holes in his shoes but a big hole in his world

Maybe i'll get famous as the man who can't be moved
Maybe you wont mean to but you'll see me on the news
And you'll come running to the corner
cuase you'll know it's just for you
Im the man who can't be moved

Chorus 2x

Going back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move

To the left, to the left

2008-11-04T05:14:00.002+08:00

One look...

Is ALL it takes.

=D

Bohol

2008-10-29T21:19:00.007+08:00

Currently Reading: The Poe Shadow by Matthew Pearl

I had a supah awesome 3-day vay-cay in Bohol with amazing friends. I wish to blog day by day, but blame it to laziness that this is all for now. Totally not in the mood to write.

I'm out...

A birthday blog long overdue

2008-10-23T14:36:00.007+08:00

Ts still October anyway. Thanks to everyone for celebrating my birthday with me in one way or another. Despite the recent loss of my 4-month old digi cam during my birthday party at Lancaster Suites (dammit how my stuff always get lost!) and wishing that somehow some people are still present in my life... It had been a hella great celebration... Turning 23 was indeed worthy of a celebration, with the presence of God's unending guidance, of family, of new and old friendships and many many more. Thanks for all the gifts, too--you guys really know my taste hehe! Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Moving on, I'd like to share something from the book I last read, The Fifth Mountain by Paulo Coelho...

"All life's battles teach us something, even those we lose. When you grow up, you'll discover that you have defended lies, deceived yourself, or suffered for foolishness. If you're a good warrior, you will not blame yourself for this, but neither will you allow your mistakes to repeat themselves."

I look back at 23 years of my life. Some of it were things that I could not be proud of. Mistakes, yes. Yet in all of it that others may think shallow or foolish, ironically, were the phases that I found most meaning in my life. These moments are long gone. I sit here now, not knowing what else could be ahead. But stopping isn't an option. I'm down for it all.

Love of Literature

2008-09-15T02:30:00.002+08:00

"A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne

Dull sublunary lovers' love
(Whose soul is sense) cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
Those things which elemented it.

But we by a love so much refin'd,
That ourselves know not what it is,
Inter-assured of the mind,
Care less, eyes, lips, and hands to miss.

Our two souls therefore, which are one,
Though I must go, endure not yet
A breach, but an expansion,
Like gold to airy thinness beat.

If they be two, they are two so
As stiff twin compasses are two;
Thy soul, the fix'd foot, makes no show
To move, but doth, if the' other do.

And though it in the centre sit,
Yet when the other far doth roam,
It leans, and hearkens after it,
And grows erect, as that comes home.

Such wilt thou be to me, who must
Like th' other foot, obliquely run;
Thy firmness makes my circle just,
And makes me end, where I begun.

I like how the metaphor of the compass was used to prove a love so strong...

Quick update

2008-09-10T22:50:00.002+08:00

Unbelievable. I am eating pasta at this unholy hour. Can my eating habit get any worse?

Whatever, Xtel!

2008-08-31T23:24:00.001+08:00

I woke up today feeling so sad. Then I went shopping. And so the day ended with much much happiness. Haha!

The Butterfly Effect

2008-08-20T12:42:00.011+08:00

The phrase refers to the idea that a butterfly's wings might create tiny changes in the atmosphere that may ultimately alter the path of a tornado or delay, accelerate or even prevent the occurrence of a tornado in a certain location. The flapping wing represents a small change in the initial condition of the system, which causes a chain of events leading to large-scale alterations of events. Had the butterfly not flapped its wings, the trajectory of the system might have been vastly different. Of course the butterfly cannot literally cause a tornado. The kinetic energy in a tornado is enormously larger than the energy in the turbulence of a butterfly. The kinetic energy of a tornado is ultimately provided by the sun and the butterfly can only influence certain details of weather events in a chaotic manner. (Wikipedia)

CAUSE AND EFFECT.

This principle affects us in real life. It's as simple as saying that small changes in life lead to massive reactions. Whatever way we have taken will lead us to our future life. It shows us that we can never be sure of what the correct action is.

I will always choose the same life. I would never ever want to change anything from my past because everything I endured shaped me into who I am now.

So... Do you believe in the "Butterfly Effect"?

Everything starts now

2008-07-27T16:31:00.000+08:00

New place... New job... I'm going to make you proud.

Reminiscin

2008-07-26T18:31:00.002+08:00

I sang at a birthday party last night which was apparently hosted by a teacher in my high school. Funny how I was introduced. No, not that it was hilarious, but it was only funny in my part as I recalled old times. It started off that she was surprised that she saw me on tv the other week... That in high school, I "excelled" in academics, competing in oratorical and declamation contests and writing for the school paper. It's so out of line that all these became my thing, especially singing. Oooh I don't know how it happened too, haha. I mean, I was that kind of student who plays chess during sportsfest. Seriously. I bet if you met me about halfway my college years onwards, it would be hard to imagine how I was during those days, with the braces and all that! So what's the point of this entry? Errr, nuthin, just kinda missed being a diligent student wahahahaha! Anyhows, it's a Saturday night. Out with the gurls in a while... Have a great weekend everyone!

Busy times

2008-07-24T16:19:00.003+08:00

Been out of the circulation.

I lost my wallet and my phone isn't working anymore (you know how Nokia N-series phones are). It only meant an ultimate shopping spree, which I did yesterday. I switched to Motorola and luvin it. I also splurged on footwear! *big smile*

A lot of things goin on. In fact, if I did not choose to stay, I should be in Singapore by now singing for a hotel. But yea, updates next time.

Toodles.

Midnight madness

2008-07-10T13:55:00.006+08:00

It has become my recent habit to eat a lot even after dinner. I often get up in the middle of sleep once I get the feeling of wanting to munch on sumthing. Ew, I'm such a pig. I eat a range of junk foods, sweets and my latest addiction? Sisig! It's not a healthy practice, I know. It shall stop soon.

It's Dad's trip back to Pinas tomorrow! He's been gone for a while and I am pretty much excited to spend time with him. And, well, yeah... I'm also excited with all the stuff he bought for me. Haha, come on.

The band I mentioned in my earlier post... I did not push through with it anymore. Urrgh. I'm not very good at following through my plans. However, my resurgence is always at the back of my mind. I insist on remaining optimistic and motivated with life.

The past month has become very emotional and stressful for me. I thank the people who have been there for me. Thank you, you know who you are.

Start of the week

2008-07-07T09:48:00.002+08:00

Off to band pictorial and rehearsal, but I still have a few minutes to spare on the Internet. It isn't as easy as I thought it'd be though. There are a lot of adjustments since I've been singing solo over the years. It's a challenge. Bring it on.

My dad's getting me tickets to the Daughtry concert on the 29th! Yayness! I just have to check how my schedule would be towards the end of the month. I wish I'll have time for it.

So yeah... I'm leaving... Bye now!

Sing to me!

2008-07-01T11:59:00.001+08:00

You mean to me
What I mean to you and...
Together baby
There is nothing we won't do
'Cause if I got you
I don't need money, I don't need cars
Girl you're my all...

Chris Brown's "With You" still never fails to make my day.

Angels brought me here

2008-06-25T14:08:00.004+08:00

I am planning my revival. There are so many things I am thinking about--my family, my well-being and improving my life. A lot of opportunities I still have to explore.

Go on girl, go on girl

2008-06-16T11:06:00.008+08:00

Have you ever fought for something you really wanted? How far were you willing to go? What changes have you faced? Was it worth the effort? Did you get what you wanted in the end? Or did you miss?

That thing called "moving on" sucks big time, doesn't it? I haven't been with the one I used to. Now I know how it is without your love. Well it's hard.

People say that when you get through this phase, you'll just laugh at it and think of yourself foolish. Well then I am an admitted fool! Was it wrong to believe? Was it wrong to trust? Was it wrong to give a chance to love and be loved?

I am not a perfect person. I have been so carefree in my life that I become careless. But sometimes I wonder if there are people to put the blame on this. If any, you are stepping on someone here. I hope you get what you want. I hope you are happy to watch me bleed helplessly. Try the heavy feeling that fills my chest. It tears me into pieces. It kills.

Being righteous is the key to being able to sleep peacefully at night. As my sister and I always remind each other, quoting from the movie "Alfie", "without peace of mind, you have nothing." I could have lost here, but maybe--just maybe--I'll get something else in return just as rewarding or even better. Hope is a wonderful thing. At least to those who still believe in positivity and defy what's evil. Not those people who take on the challenge to ruin others for the obvious reasons that they live a life of bitterness. Despite my shattered state, I am not one to give in to that kind of world.

I also realize the importance of trust. When it breaks, you suddenly feel all the energy you consumed. You lose the spirit. It doesn't feel right anymore knowing that everything that used to be effortless to you came down to nothing.

I remember wonderful memories all the time. I wish it didn't get to that point of disbelief and betrayal. I could've just ended it earlier for the wrong reasons. I'll take the blow for not giving it a chance alongside with all the what if's. Somehow I could retain all the beautiful things you said and still believe in them even when you're gone. Unlike now that they just pang in my ears. A jolt of pain in my heart every single time. No matter how happy we were. Or I thought we were. Whichever.

As the cliché goes, things happen for a reason. I'm a huge fan of it. The reason of which no one can comprehend just yet. Probably months or years from now, when I get to read this entry again... I will evaluate and ask myself: Was I really foolish? Let's wait and see.

Eleven no more

2008-06-14T13:07:00.014+08:00

It was a moment I could still remember clearly and look back at beautifully. That spot where we both stood at a weird angle and smiled. It was so special I could almost hear music. I did not know then that it could change my life forever. And now it ends with an excruciating pain I feel in every inch of my body. Yet it is in this pain that I can affirm so much more how much I loved you. If only it could have ended differently. If only I could love you even for just a little bit longer...

I have been sober all this time. Drinking did not cross my mind. Perhaps because I know that not even alcohol can numb me at this. Losing someone you love doesn't need a juvenile approach to it. I just fight it and deal with it with all my might. But it doesn't stop. It just fucking doesn't. To be completely honest, I really don't mind. I suppose this is just how it is to fall in love.

"Said I loved you but I lied. 'Cause this is more than love I feel inside."

I wrote these song lines on a card I made that I intended to give last eleventh. I never got the chance to. Just as this love, our hopes and our dreams never got the chance to forever.

I almost forgot how it is to be alone. My superhero isn't around to save me from troubles anymore.

The End

Is it time to say enough is enough?

2008-06-04T11:31:00.002+08:00

We've been here before. Heart torn out but still coming back for more. This lesson is learned so well. Endless fights and so the story goes. Argue after argue.

World Pyro Olympics

2008-05-25T12:47:00.006+08:00

Currently Reading: The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch with Jeffrey Zaslow

Wow. It has been a long time. I dunno. I suddenly felt blogging.

Amazing. Especially while eating at my supah favorite food est., Gram's Diner & someone really special beside me. Wooot!

...

2008-01-07T18:21:00.000+08:00

Currently Reading: The Collected Works of Venerable Master Chin Kung

All I ask for is one day that I am not searching for answers...

There's something about Ryan Agoncillo

2008-01-03T15:29:00.000+08:00

I could not delve and deduce. Moreno guys are a huge deal for me. I wonder how I developed a crush/obsession on Ryan Agoncillo over the past weeks, haha!

The festivities had been a whole lot of fun with all the yummy food, wine, gifts and most importantly, loved ones. Apparently, I have made use of the season as an excuse for eating out of control. Eh, whatever.

I have already listed down my predictions for myself this year in my journal. It's better to see them written down for more focus. I'll make sure there's a better "me" when I get back to it at the end of the year.

Oh well, I am running out of things to say. More next time. Tata.

;-)

2007-12-23T18:30:00.000+08:00

Don't know when I'd be back online so...

MERRY CHRISTMAS & A HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!

*Hugs*

Poetic mode

2007-12-19T18:04:00.000+08:00

It Is At Moments After I Have Dreamed
by E. E. Cummings

It is at moments after I have dreamed
of the rare entertainment of your eyes,
when (being fool to fancy) I have deemed

With your peculiar mouth my heart made wise;
at moments when the glassy darkness holds

The genuine apparition of your smile
(it was through tears always) and silence moulds
such strangeness as was mine a little while;

Moments when my once more illustrious arms
are filled with fascination, when my breast
wears the intolerant brightness of your charms:

One pierced moment whiter than the rest

-turning from the tremendous lie of sleep
I watch the roses of the day grow deep.

Blah.

2007-12-16T19:42:00.000+08:00

"Closing time, open all the doors and let you out into the world
Closing time, turn all of the lights on over every boy and every girl
Closing time, one last call for alcohol so finish your whiskey or beer
Closing time, you don't have to go home but you can't stay here

I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
Take me home"

- Closing Time (Semisonic)

I have literally slept all day and took a very long, refreshing bath. I haven't done those for a long time.

It's been a kinda hectic, weird, draining, sad, confusing past week. Things have been slowly but surely changing. All I needed was a fun time at Aila's pad with the rest of the peeps last Friday night. From the KFC food delivery, drinks galore and great conversations. Thanks guys!

Yesterday, went to a family gathering, got to work out and went here and there with my mom and sister.

I think I deal with things better than I did before. We're all growing older, maturing, taking on responsibilities and all that crap. I'm all for that, for real. So much has happened. I'm usually the type to freak out, but I kept my cool. With that said, enough of the realizations.

Moving on to something random. Here are some movies I've seen, but hated so much for some reasons:
1) A Beautiful Mind
2) Lost In Translation
3) V for Vendetta

Now to end on a good note:
You never know when someone special will come into your life. When you meet that person, cherish that moment because you never know how long it will last.

A Friday night blog

2007-12-14T18:50:00.000+08:00

"So go past the lights and all the excuses
You could have left 'sincerely yours'
Don't you think it's obvious that I want to say more?
Cause anything too daring to say to you,
Will be said in this letter, then burned away
So you never realize, I'm here"
- Midnight Highway (Daphney Loves Derby)

Did not know how parting could feel odd, until this morning. Sad.

Wishing you a great life in Singapore.

Won't be the same, but I know my ladies won't let me be sad tonight.

Crazy how things move so fast. When good and bad mesh together. Good and bad decisions made. It works out in the end. It all comes together. I feel different, but in a good way. Got a whole new outlook.

Weekend blast

2007-12-11T09:49:00.000+08:00

The past weekend was all about chilling at Eastwood, new and old friends, long talks... And some lovin', baybeh.

A few dramas on the side were unavoidable, but hey, life goes on.

Save me

2007-12-03T12:14:00.000+08:00

"I keep trying to find a life
On my own, apart from You
I am the king of excuses
I've got one for every selfish thing I do
What's going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I'm still a man in need of a Savior"
- In The Light (DC Talk)

I changed a lot.

Fact or uneducated assumption? Let's look into that.

I feel differently much on the world than I used to. There is something missing in my life and I am not sure of it. Something that used to be here. A way that I used to be, that I'm not anymore. But it disappeared too unexpectedly for me to notice right away.

And I thought it was here all along. Lying to myself possibly?

On the surface of things, it had been an honor to be singing at a company Christmas party last night. My first Christmas party this year, and a few more lined up.

Fast Car by Tracy Chapman

2007-11-29T11:11:00.000+08:00

I feel this song.

"You got a fast car

I want a ticket to anywhere

Maybe we make a deal

Maybe together we can get somewhere

Anyplace is better

Starting from zero got nothing to lose

Maybe we'll make something

But me myself I got nothing to prove"

I spent the last few weeks complaining about this place, so I had this horrible attitude of not wanting to be here. Then I realized something. You're not gonna always get what you want in life, so accept the things you do have and enjoy it, because it could be worse.

"You got a fast car

And I got a plan to get us out of here

I been working at the convenience store

Managed to save just a little bit of money

We won't have to drive too far

Just 'cross the border and into the city

You and I both can get jobs

And finally see what it means to be living"

You always have to travel through the hardest roads to get the best rewards. But sometimes I think that if you travel the simplest road, as far as it goes, you'll get the same reward.

"You got a fast car

But is it fast enough so we can fly away

We gotta make a decision
We leave tonight or live and die this way"

It's like a blur to me now, maybe it was the alcohol. I don't know, but it was great you were there. Laughter is indeed the best medicine, and you've given me every dose of it.

"I remember we were driving driving in your car

The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk

City lights lay out before us

And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder

And I had a feeling that I belonged

And I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone"

Your outlook in life has been helpful - to live life to the fullest, experience everything, don't have regrets, be spontaneous, live a little and most importantly, don't be afraid to take a chance.

"You got a fast car

And we go cruising to entertain ourselves

You still ain't got a job

And I work in a market as a checkout girl

I know things will get better

You'll find work and I'll get promoted

We'll move out of the shelter

Buy a big house and live in the suburbs"

With you there are no norms and I am not compelled to snap back to reality. Get rid of it all together and not to hide what I don't want to see.

"You got fast car

And I got a job that pays our bills

You stay out drinking late at the bar

See more of your friends than you do of your kids

I'd always hoped for better

Thought maybe together you and me would find it

I got no plans I ain't going nowhere

So take your fast car and keep on driving"

I want more. But it's not for me to ask.

"You got a fast car

But is it fast enough so you can fly away

You gotta make a decision
You leave tonight or live and die this way"

I'm sure gonna miss you as hell. Each moment with you, so memorable, so little left.

Just a day

2007-11-26T15:23:00.000+08:00

Currently Reading: Bakit Baliktad Magbasa ng Libro Ang Mga Pilipino? by Bob Ong

Now I have to get over this sickness real quick. I have something coming up on Friday and I definitely could not sing in this condition.

"You only stay with me in the morning
You only hold me when I sleep
I was meant to tread the water
But now I've gotten in too deep
For every piece of me that wants you
Another piece backs away

You give me something
That makes me scared alright
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try
Please give me something
Because someday I might know my heart"

- You Give Me Something (James Morrison)

How do you know the borders from fooling around to being not so serious to serious? Because I have been a pretty serious person for as long as I can remember, at least when it comes to the important aspects in life. Lately I have been keeping things in the cool and taking it easy. But once reality kicks back in, poof. Now how do I deal with this?

So my tarpaulin in "Pasan Ko Ang Daigdig" gets even more exposure than I do. They should definitely get me back in the story. Come on, I am worth more than a huge picture. Ha!

Turns out that I am not getting any final pay from PeopleSupport where I worked as call center agent. In fact, I am even indebted to them. Remembering all those sleepless nights and above all, that Christina Aguilera concert I missed... This is causing me so much pain.

When all else fails

2007-11-25T19:22:00.001+08:00

A real journal isn't doing me any good these days. I've been away from home (ref. Cavite) a lot as well, and so I thought I'd create a new blog. Thoughts just keep on running around this head.

For a first entry, I anticipate this blog to be everywhere. I do not even know where to start writing. But I guess there's nothing much more proper than to welcome you to this blog. Yea, like you'd really care reading eh?

"We know little about pain and regret - except that it is soluble in alcohol."

True enough. But trust me, I do not want to talk about this now.

It is weird how I feel so different about myself now. I used to find happiness in the littlest and simplest things. Books, music and writing have always made me... Me. But time has changed me into searching for good/better things in life. Life, I realize, is much more complex than I thought it was. And love, does not always make everything right.

I yearn for more, for whatever it is that will make me happy. Probably because the people I expect to understand do not. Because I want people who do not only want, but help me succeed.